


Halfway Hotel

by the_many_splendored



Category: Hazbin Hotel (Web Series)
Genre: Explicit Language, F/F, M/M, slight warning for offscreen sexual harassment, yes this is another swap au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-16
Updated: 2020-01-16
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:13:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,682
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22281655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_many_splendored/pseuds/the_many_splendored
Summary: Yet another Hazbin Hotel Swap AU! - When the Radio Demon promotes his new project, he never expects to get help outside of his group, let alone from the Royal Family.
Relationships: Angel Dust/Husk (Hazbin Hotel), Charlie Magne/Vaggie
Comments: 24
Kudos: 133





	Halfway Hotel

**Author's Note:**

> I know, I know, EVERYONE has done a Swap AU! In this case, I wanted to challenge myself to keep characters' personalities and careers as close to canon as possible and see if this idea still worked. As such, there are scenes that are different, shortened or non-existent from the original. Cheers!
> 
> My two main inspirations are:  
> \- https://swap-hazbinhotel.tumblr.com/  
> \- https://general-rusty.tumblr.com/post/189625781150/hazbin-au-swap

As soon as he saw the angels leave via a comically large telescope, a seven-foot-tall red-headed demon rolled away from his window back to a desk covered in radio equipment. Adjusting a microphone and some dials, he spoke in a grainy voice, “Well, my faithful listeners, it seems like those of us who kept our heads down have made it safely through another cleanse! Here’s a song of celebration for us lucky ones!” With the flip of a switch, an old-time tune floated out of the speakers, and anyone in the Pentagram who had a radio heard the following:

**_“Hey, hobo man, hey Dapper Dan_ **

**_You’ve both got your style_ **

**_But brother you’re never fully dressed without a smile!”_ **

As the admittedly cheesy lyrics floated throughout Hell, demons everywhere were cleaning up after the extermination. Windows were opened, bodies were raked up, and an especially pragmatic shop owner was painting out the name of a partner who had gotten caught outside during the ordeal. In the swankier section of Pentagram City, a tall, blonde, cute demon living in a penthouse hugged her wife, a moth-looking chick with a missing eye, relieved that they’d both made it through. At the porn studio, the studio manager just shrugged and had everyone get back to work. The great clock in downtown clicked over from 0 to 365, and everyone let out a small sigh of relief.

**_“…so smile, smile, SMILE DARN YA SMILE!_** ”

* * *

A small demon fell to the ground with a splat – and then pulled himself up with a shock. “I’m alive?...I’m alive!” He barely had time to celebrate before a scooter whizzed by him, almost cutting off his foot. “Hey, watch where you’re fuckin’ goin’, lady!”

The lady in question was about two feet tall with one large eye, a pink bob cut and yellow skin. Her blouse and poodle skirt suggested a 50’s teeny-bopper, but the annoyance on her face made it clear she was no Sandra Dee. Pulling the scooter to a screeching halt, she whirled around on the demon who was now struggling to his feet. “And _you_ watch your language! I’ve had a bad day, and I really don’t want to deal with anyone else right now, you got that?” She punctuated the question with a hard poke to the other demon’s sternum, and he was so startled that he stumbled backwards. With a quick “yes ma’am” he scurried away, and the pink-haired girl sighed in annoyance. “I swear,” she muttered to herself, “there didn’t use to be this many idiots around…”

Her phone rang, and the tone sounded like the rattle of a snake’s tail. “Oh no, what now?” She flipped the phone option and asked, “Hey, what’s going on? You usually text.”

“Ssssorry, Niffty dear, I’m in a bit of trouble, some upstart girl is trying to move in on my territory! I need help! When can you get here?”

Niffty heard a bomb blast go off about five blocks away and saw a huge plume of smoke rise. “Ok, I think I see it, I’m on my way.”

* * *

On the block in question, everything was chaos. Residents were scrambling for cover as bombs went off left and right. The scary thing was - these bombs seemed to be sentient! Each one clearly had arms, legs eyes, and a slightly femme aspect, and when the bomb would blow up, she could pull herself back together and start ticking again. One of them ran back to her mistress, another cyclops like Niffty. However, this creature carried herself completely differently; she was tall, wore an artfully ragged leggings and t-shirt combo, and her long hair was pulled into a partial ponytail. The woman picked up her tiny minion, kissed her on the forehead, and sent her back on her way with a snarly but sincere: “Atta girl, kiddo, go show these punks who the new Queen of the Block is!”

“Yes Boss!” the little Bombette squeaked, and she ran away again, this time targeting a line of vehicles that had been left behind in the rush. Taking a running jump, she whistled through the air with a squeal of delight and cleared the debris in a blast of fire and sparkling smoke.

Another Bombette yanked on her boss’ arm, diverting her attention. “Boss Cherri, Boss Cherri, something’s coming!” She pointed up, and Cherri Bomb followed her outstretched finger.

Up in the sky, a small airship was coming towards the fray. Even from her vantage point, Cherri could tell that the ship had substantial artillery for its size, and she barely had time to jump behind a building before the ship opened fire, strafing the block with lasers. After catching her breath, she looked up and saw that the cockpit was now open, revealing a black snake demon with yellow markings. The snake, dressed in a ratty suit and top hat, let out a wicked cackle and started to make a speech.

“Gaze upon your doom, you young whippersssnapper! I am Ssssir Pentious, and I won’t let the likes of you take what is mine! I’ve protected thisss sector for 100 years, and it’ll take more than a few stupidly loyal bombs to dislodge me! Get ready to taste plasma, you little-“

“Oh SHUT UP!” Cherri called up. “If it’s a fight you want, old man, it’s a fight you’ll get! Just get down here and battle, if you’re not a coward!”

Sir Pentious seemed genuinely wounded that he’d been interrupted and yelled back “FINE BY ME!” before exiting his ship with Niffty by his side.

* * *

A news fanfare played, and the lights came up on two demons: Both blonde, one female, tall and skinny in a pink dress, the other male, wearing an expressive WWI-style gas mask and a grey suit over a short frame.

“Good afternoon, this is the 666 News Roundup! I’m Katie Killjoy!”

“And I’m Tom Trench! The West Side is a mess of smoke and bullets right now as two sides are fighting for control after the extermination. On one side, old-school favorite Sir Pentious-“ A picture flashed up on Sir P looking a little less tattered. “And on the other, a newer player, self-described Queen of the Scene Cherri Bomb!” The picture switched to a stylized photo of Cherri that looked like it had been painted by an impressionist.

“That’s right, Tom!” Katie continued, and the photos turned back to a video feed. “One advantage of the cleanse is that if you survive, almost anything is up for the taking, which these two have definitely taken to heart! It looks like they’re fighting tooth and nail for that hotspot!”

With a dreamy sigh, Tom focused on a close-up of Cherri Bomb. “I’d give anything to nail _her_ hotspot…”

Katie said nothing about the innuendo, but in a flash of movement, she had clocked Tom in the head with an enormous coffee mug. Little birdies started flying around his head, and he slid down in his seat in a daze. “Coming up next, we’ll be having an interview with Alastor, the one and only Radio Demon! He’s here to discuss a new project he’s undertaking, and we can’t wait to hear what he has to say! See you after the break!” When the camera cut off, she looked down at Tom and slapped his face a few times, which seemed to wake him up.

Just off in the wings, Alastor, the red-haired demon who had handled the post-cleanse broadcast, was straightening his coat and verifying that his cane, a classic-style microphone, was transmitting clearly. Next to him, a cat demon with large wings was tapping his claws on the concession table. Turning to Alastor, he asked in a gruff voice, “Boss, are you sure this is a good idea? You already have the best radio gig anyone could ask for.”

Alastor flashed a chilling smile. “Husk, we live in the modern world, and the picture shows are the best way to reach the masses! If we’re going to drum up participation in this little exercise, we need as many demons as we can get.”

Husk ran a hand over his face. “You’re not wrong, but I don’t know how many folks are actually going to bite. How do we make this idea palatable?”

“Well I’m not going out there and just reading a script; I intend to liven things up a bit!”

“Wait, wait, wait – are you gonna turn this into a whole production number??” Alastor nodded, and Husk visibly deflated. “I don’t suppose there’s any way I can stop you, is there?”

Alastor’s smile got even wider. “Not even if you were the praying kind, my friend. You know I live for the world of entertainment, why _wouldn’t_ I add a song and dance?”

Husk rolled his eyes and said, “I wish you’d at least told me that earlier, I could have gotten myself drunk enough to deal with it…”

“No need for that yet, my good man – we’ll toast our success _after_ the program!” Hearing someone walking up to him, Alastor turned around and nodded to Tom Trench, who was rubbing at a sizeable bump that had formed on his forehead. “Ah, Tom! Thanks for inviting us on the show.”

Tom nodded but his eyes didn’t seem entirely focused. “Glad to have you on, Alastor – I should warn you that Katie’s in rare form today.”

The Radio Demon shrugged casually. “I’m hardly worried about a little verbal judo.”

“Well, she was really looking forward to that Dahmer guy’s cooking segment today, but he canceled at the last minute, which is why we were able to move you up in the interview schedule. She’s been a huge fan of his for years and she’s been on the warpath all morning.” Tom looked over his shoulder, and Alastor followed his gaze. Katie was still sitting at the news desk, gleefully skewering some hapless slug with her pencil. “I just didn’t want you to be surprised.”

“I’m sure I’ll be fine.” Alastor took a large step and was sitting in the interview chair before Tom had even turned back to him. Five seconds later, the cameraman signaled the countdown, and the lights came back up.

If Katie was as perturbed as Tom had said, it didn’t come through in her tone. “Welcome back, everyone! As we mentioned before the break, we’re here with Alastor, the Radio Demon himself! So Al, what is this new project that you’ve been reaching out to the station about?”

Alastor’s smile became a bit more tight-lipped at the shortening of his name; only Husk and one other person had that privilege, and neither of them used it often. Fine, two could play at the name game. “Well, _Katherine_ , I’ve been a denizen of Hell for nearly 90 years, far longer than I lived anywhere else. As much as I have a home, Hell is it. Every year, Hell must deal with the cleanse, and every year, I grow more and more disgusted with the whole concept. I’m no humanitarian, but for the sake of aesthetics, it makes my stomach turn. The streets aren’t clean for weeks, the turf wars get tiresome, and the smell would make any demon gag. It’s just too much!” His eyes flicked over to Husk, who was nodding in agreement.

He stood up from his chair and leaned on his microphone-cane. “Ladies and gentlemen, we do have a serious over-population program, and exterminations are barbaric, even by my standards. With that in mind, I’m offering an experimental option to anyone who’s interested. As of today, I am opening a center where at least partial redemption can be strived for – the Halfway Hotel!”

In all his years, Alastor had never heard an audience so quiet. Tapping on his mic, he asked, “Testing? Is this thing still on?” This garnered a few small laughs, and he continued. “I should clarify that I don’t expect to send any demons to Heaven; I’m no miracle worker. That said, if there is a possibility of relieving damnation enough to get souls up into Purgatory, then they’d be someone else’s problem. Do I have any takers?”

The room was still mostly quiet, so he decided to make his move. “If words won’t be enough, let me explain it another way.”

Husk cringed: “Aw fuck, here we go…”

Alastor waved his hand, and somewhere a jazz beat started to play. Several shadowy demons manifested, striking up a jaunty tune while he sang:

**_“I have a dream I wish to tell_ **

**_It may seem laughable,_ **

**_But hey, we’re all in hell!_ **

**_So let’s take a chance_ **

**_And hope it all goes well_ **

**_So that we can lighten the load up just a spell!”_ **

The band members were now breaking out into a dance while simultaneously still playing their instruments. Tom started to tap his foot but stopped when Katie shot him a death glare. Alastor manifested a hat and started to do a bit of soft-shoe to punctuate what he was singing.

**_“Not every single demon is a lost cause;_ **

**_We’ll get the willing ones to try us out!_ **

**_If there’s a chance that they can get free,_ **

**_It’ll help us all down here_ **

**_Before we all become so much dead tile grout!_ **

**_Let’s give it a try;_ **

**_Some of you might just fly_ **

**_If you’ll come and spend some time_ **

**_Down at the Halfway Hotel!!!”_ **

The music rose to a crescendo and then cut off as Alastor took a bow. Husk was smiling slightly, but his smile faltered when he heard a few chuckles morph into uproarious laughter. Looking at Al, he shook his head as if to say “Boss, they’re not laughing _with_ you…”

The Radio Demon snapped his fingers and the band demons disappeared to wherever they had come from. Looking around, he was still smiling, but clearly confused. For once, he had been sincere, and everyone was treating it as a joke.

It was Katie Killjoy who collected herself first and she asked between chuckles, “What makes you think this can even work? Alastor, see sense! Who down here is going to want to try this, especially when we have everything we could want in the Abyss?”

As the news anchor continued to giggle, Alastor spoke over her, “My dear Katie, you don’t know my team! I have my two dearest friends on board with me for this project, and they’ve been working non-stop on recruitment and promotion since this little project began!”

“Really?” Katie’s voice was loaded with sarcasm. “And just who are these _friends_ of yours? They weren’t up here for your little number.”

“One of them is right here with me!” Alastor pointed to Husk, who tried to shy away from the cameras. “Husk is the best maintenance manager there is, and Niffty, our head of hospitality, is no slouch! She’s on assignment, or she would have been here today.”

Katie snorted. “Well, I don’t know this Niffty girl, but I’ve seen Husk around when I’ve done coverage on local businesses. He’s nothing more than a hustling drunk!”

Husk growled, and Alastor could tell the cat wanted to tear the anchorwoman apart. Cutting in, he said “That’s unfair, sweetheart! You of all people should know that the news is never the whole story! In fact-” A loud voice echoed throughout the studio, “BREAKING NEWS!”

Katie turned back to the camera with a twisted grin. “We’ve just gotten word that Sir Pentious has an ally on the field with him for the turf war! Let’s go to the live coverage!” A video screen popped up, and Alastor’s already-gray skin went pale as the camera settled on Niffty, circling a Bombette as if they were in a boxing ring. With a snarl, the little demon launched herself at the machine and kicked her hard enough to send her flying.

“Well well well!” Tom said, his eyebrows raised in what seemed to be genuine interest. “Who’s the little ball of fire?”

Alastor would have cussed, but Husk beat him to the punch. Storming onto the soundstage, the cat demon hollered, “Cut that shit off right now! I fuckin’ mean it!”

Katie’s expression morphed from a forced smile to an expression of sheer glee, not unlike a cat who finally caught the canary. “Wait, this is too good – is _that_ Niffty??”

“Indeed, it is,” Alastor said in a cheerfully dangerous voice.

“Well now I _know_ this project is a crock of shit!” Katie crowed in triumph. “I thought you said you found turf wars tiresome, and here’s your only other staff member besides the lush brawling like some common thug! This will make our ratings for a month, so I guess I should thank you!” With that, she leaned in and planted a cartoonishly large smooch right on Alastor’s lips.

Alastor froze in shock for a second, and that was all it took for Husk to leap across the news desk and grab Katie by the front of her dress. “You’re gonna pay for that, bitch!”

* * *

“Thanksss for helping out, Niffty!” Sir Pentious said as he and Niffty ducked for cover from an incoming Bombette.

“Of course!” Niffty said, throwing her snake friend a cannister of ammo. “I wasn’t gonna leave you out here alone, you’re one of my best friends!”

“Speaking of friends, where have you even been? You’ve been off grid for agessss…” Sir Pentious reloaded his gun, and Niffty pulled a knife out from her boot.

“I’ve been busy!” she protested. “Alastor’s trying to get this project of his off the ground, and he’s had me and Husk running all over Satan’s red hellscape to gather money and interest.” A Bombette approached, and she cut her legs out from under her with a sadistic smile. “And that’s where things went sideways today, because-” She was cut off when a different Bombette tackled her, sending her flying. The two tumbled about 20 yards, bringing Niffty to the feet of none other than Cherri Bomb.

Looking up at the other cyclops, Niffty’s eye glistened in genuine admiration. “Oh, WOW, you’re so pretty!”

Cherri blushed, and that hesitation was enough for Pentious to slither over and punch her in the face with his tail. When she got her bearings, Cherri growled, “You squares fight dirty, you know that??”

“We fight to win, kiddo! No point in being chivalrous if it gets you killed!” Sir Pentious countered. “Maybe you could stand to learn from usss!”

“In your dreams, hiss-breath!” Cherri looked at Niffty. “And you, short stuff, why don’t you run on home? The adults are talking!”

Niffty shrugged. “I will – if you come over here and look at something…”

“Look at – WHAT THE FUCK!” Cherri screamed as Niffty leapt up and slashed her across the face with another blade she’d hidden under her skirt. The taller cyclops clutched her face and howled like a wounded animal. “You deceptive little SLUT!”

Sir Pentious and Niffty took the chance to run for cover again. After they ducked behind a phone booth, Pentious asked, “Look, you know what I think about Alastor, he’s even more pompous than I am, and that’s sssaying something – but he’s still your friend and your boss. Is this going to worry him?”

Niffty shrugged. “Don’t know – but I’m not sure I care!”

* * *

Back in the studio, Husk and Katie were brawling, and Alastor was wiping the floor with Tom, who had tried to come to his co-anchor’s defense. Alastor’s shadow-boys had returned when they sensed Al’s distress, and since Husk was busy with Katie, they swarmed Tom and were throwing him around like a ragdoll. Alastor’s eyes flicked to the video feed, and seeing that Niffty and Pentious were pinned down, he called to Husk.

“Go get Niffty, she’s in some trouble, I’ll finish things here! Meet me back at the hotel!”

“Got it, Boss!” Husk took the time to land one more kick to Katie’s midsection, and he opened his wings, flying off as fast as he could. Alastor slammed his microphone-cane into the floor, disappearing in a flash of flame and black symbols that left everyone nearby with a bad burn.

* * *

“You know I like your sstyle, Niffty!” Sir Pentious said as he passed her a loaded pistol. “We ready to end this upstart?”

“You bet!” Niffty said, admiring the firearm she’d been given. “What’s the plan?”

“If you go out first, I’ll cover you, got it?”

“Got it!” Niffty got out from behind the booth and started running towards Cherri and the Bombettes. “Eat lead, you creeps – HEY! Put me down!” Husk had swooped in and picked her up without even landing. “What are you doing?!”

“I’m saving ya, ya ungrateful twit!” The two flew off to the Hotel, leaving a now very nervous looking Sir Pentious surrounded by an angry crowd of sentient explosives.

* * *

The Halfway Hotel was the kind of building that would look better with people in it. Thanks to Niffty and Husk’s efforts, the place was impeccably clean and perfectly air-conditioned, but without patrons, the whole building looked more like a morgue than a lodging establishment. As they landed on the front porch, Niffty wrestled out of Husk’s grip and stormed through the doors, hoping to get some quiet time alone. Unfortunately, Alastor had other plans. Picking her up by the back of her blouse as she walked by, he set her up on top of a counter so that they were closer to eye level with each other. “Miss Niffty, would you like to explain yourself?”

The tiny demon crossed her arms in frustration and turned away, refusing to answer. She walked along the counter, trying to ignore Alastor, but Husk caught up to her and turned her back to face their employer. “The boss asked you a question, doll, I think it’d be best to answer.”

Niffty threw up her hands in frustration. “Sir Pentious needed my help, ok? Aren’t we supposed to help people who need it?”

“Not if it involves a turf war!” Husk blurted out. “C’mon, Nif, I thought you were smarter than that! If that sniveling so and so wants to check in here, so be it, but territory battles aren’t exactly saving souls!”

“Well maybe I needed to let off some steam after dealing with that…that…JERK that Alastor sent me to deal with today!”

Alastor cocked his head to one side. “What about him, my dear? I thought of all people, Travis and his wife might be interested in our cause.”

Niffty looked like she might genuinely explode with rage. “His wife wasn’t home, and he’s a pervert! I tried to explain to him what we were doing, and as _you_ requested, I cleaned his place to show him our level of service. He started making all sorts of lewd comments, and when I told him to stop it, he tried to grab under my skirt! If it was the choice between helping Pentious out and putting the adulterous creep’s head on a spike, I think I made the right choice!”

Alastor’s smile didn’t break, but Husk at least had the decency to look upset. “Geez, kid, I’m sorry. We shouldn’t have split the canvassing job; I should have been there with you.”

“Well how were you supposed to know, you were both at the tv station!” Niffty’s eye welled up with tears. “I really liked this idea, Alastor! I genuinely want to help! But how am I supposed to do any good if I’m getting thrown to the wolves?” She started to weep, and Husk kept a soothing hand on her shoulder.

“Surely you know that wasn’t my intention” Alastor tried to say, but the look that Husk shot him made the sentence die in his throat. He nodded in Niffty’s direction and excused himself to go sit on the front porch and think a moment.

_Well now you’ve done it_ , he thought to himself. _Niffty almost got hurt, the television debut was a clusterfuck, and now both of your employees are mad at you. How are you getting out of **this**_ _one, Alastor?_

It wasn’t until he heard the noise of a motor that he looked up to see a swanky car in front of his establishment. Clutching his cane close to him, he waited, wondering if there had been a mistake and the car belonged elsewhere.

Two women stepped out of the car – one tall, blonde and perky, the other white-haired and morose with an eye missing. When the blonde made eye contact with Alastor, she visibly gulped, but walked confidently towards him anyway. “Hi, you’re Alastor, right?” Her voice sounded like sunshine and music.

“Yes, unless someone knows something I don’t!” The blonde came up the steps with the white-haired girl close behind her. “And who might you two be?”

“Oh, I’m sorry! I’m Charlie Magne, and this is my wife, Vaggie Ramos. We saw your presentation on 666 News and we decided to come check things out! May we come in?”

If Alastor realized who he was dealing with, he didn’t let it slip. “Certainly, ladies, and I can even have some refreshments made up. Please, follow me!”

The trio walked through the door, and Alastor called, “Husk, Niffty, we have company! Can we get some chairs and some appetizers for our visitors?”

Husk was the first one to look up, and the feathers on his wings stood on end. “Are you _shitting_ me? There is no way that the Princess and Princess Consort of Hell are actually in our hotel!”

When Niffty saw where Husk was looking, she wiped away her tears and tried to smile. She was still angry with Alastor, but hospitality was her specialty and she wasn’t going to let the two strangers down. “Well, whoever they are, they clearly should have something to eat. I’ll be back!” Dusting off her blouse and skirt, she disappeared into the kitchen to pull something together.

Husk brought over two armchairs and placed them somewhat haphazardly in front of the fireplace. Charlie didn’t seem to mind, but Vaggie decided to scoot hers a bit so that she could hold Charlie’s hand. After they were situated, Alastor walked over to them. “Welcome again, ladies, to the Halfway Hotel! What would you like to know? I admit, the picture show fiasco perhaps wasn’t the best way to explain myself.”

“Maybe not,” Charlie agreed, “but it certainly piqued my interest, and Vaggie was kind enough to come along with me to see how things work here.” She looked around at the stark beauty of the place. “I can only imagine what an undertaking this whole venture has been.”

“Kid, you have _no_ idea…” Husk grumbled, mostly expecting the princess not to hear him. Vaggie shot him a look, but at that moment, Niffty rushed out of the kitchen with a tea tray that was larger than her head. Balanced on it were two tea cups, a kettle full of hot water, assorted tea bags, and a beautiful collection of cookies and small sandwiches.

When Vaggie saw the little demon struggling, she hopped to her feet. Where Charlie’s voice was honey, Vaggie’s was dark liquor, but still kind and strong. “Oh jeez, let me get that, it must be so heavy!” She took the tray from Niffty’s hands and placed it on a side table that Husk grabbed to put between her and Charlie. “These look great; did you make them?”

“Yup, I did them up yesterday since we thought we might have a rush of people today! You two may not count as a rush, but that means you get the tray all to yourselves!” Now Niffty was truly in her element, and Vaggie couldn’t help but smile at her energy.

“Thanks, really – it’s Niffty, right?”

“That’s right, Your Grace!”

“Oh please, call me Vaggie!” With that offer, Vaggie sat down, and Niffty hopped up on the arm of her chair so that she could see the proceedings.

Charlie smiled warmly at her wife and turned back to Alastor. Taking a cup and pouring herself some hot water, she said, “If nothing else, I appreciate you opening up my eyes to the kind of creep that Katie Killjoy is. I grew up admiring her; she never seemed to take shit from anyone. But when I saw her push herself on you like that, I was disgusted. Are you all right?”

He could be wrong, but Alastor was pretty sure that Charlie was asking out of genuine concern and wasn’t trying to make him seem weak. Most demons would harp on a supposed weakness, but she seemed different. What was her game, if anything?

“It was only a momentary shock, my dear – and as you likely saw, my good friend Husk defended my honor.”

“I did see that.” Charlie looked over at Husk, who couldn’t decide whether he felt proud or embarrassed. “You all really seem to look out for each other; it’s quite commendable.”

“Your Highness, this is all very nice of ya to say, but are you just here to compliment us?” Husk asked.

“Not at all, Husk! And you can call me Charlie.” The royal demon stood up, putting a tea bag in her cup and handing Husk one of Niffty’s cookies. “I’m here because I think the whole idea is brilliant, and if everyone’s amenable, I’d like to become a managing partner in the hotel.”

Alastor burst into confused laughter. “Charlie, sweetheart, why would you bother? You’re royalty, surely you have other things to do with your time!”

This time, it was Vaggie who answered. “Funnily enough, royal life can be kind of boring – if you don’t have a project to fill the time, you start going stir-crazy.” She manifested a knife and twirled it between her fingers. “A girl can only practice her knife-throwing for so long.”

“And there are other reasons too,” Charlie admitted. “To the best of my knowledge, my father is immortal, but if something ever happens to him, I’m first in line for the throne of Hell. I need our population to know that I’m looking out for them.” She took a sip of her tea, seeming to appreciate the taste. “I’m Hell-born, so these purges can’t really touch me, but others aren’t so lucky.”

“I try to be careful, but even being cautious, I’ve had a few close calls,” Vaggie added. Niffty patted her on the shoulder, and she smiled at the little demon. “Those angelic pricks are the reason I don’t have my left eye.”

“I see…so to speak.” Alastor pondered a moment, and then asked, “What do you mean when you say you want to be managing partner? This is _my_ project, Miss Charlie, and I don’t want to hand it over to just anyone.”

“Of course not!” Charlie agreed. “This is yours, Alastor. What I’m offering is capital, promotion, and an expansion of hotel staff. The three of you have worked so hard already, and surely it would be less of a burden if you knew the hotel could be run for at least a few months without going bankrupt.”

“Then are we making a deal?” Alastor offered his hand to Charlie, and the room lit up with an eerie green light. Husk and Niffty looked on in shock – a green handshake was how each of them had come into Alastor’s service, and as far as they knew, they were bound to him forever. Was he about to hook someone new?

Vaggie looked panicked as well, but she let out a sigh of relief when Charlie backed up. “Oh, I won’t be doing that.” Charlie said, “If I learned one thing from my family, it’s that you don’t make deals with other demons.”

Alastor had to admit, this Charlie girl wasn’t stupid. “Well then,” he asked, “if I don’t have my usual form of insurance, how do I know you’re going to follow through on your word?”

“I mentioned adding to your staff, right? I can bring in your new receptionist right now!” Charlie waved her hand, and Husk jumped back as a spidery demon with white and pink fur started to materialize in his arms.

The creature appeared to be in the throes of ecstasy, and with a moan, said “Oh, harder, Daddy! OW!” The spider landed on the floor with a painful thump as Husk dropped him like a hot potato. “Hey asshole, you didn’t say we were playing this scene that….rough?” He looked around, realizing he wasn’t where he was supposed to be, and let out a string of curses. “What the aquamarine fuck?? This isn’t the porn studio! Where am I?”

“Angel, hi!” Charlie waved at the spider, who sank his head in his hands.

“Goddammit, Charlie, what do you want? I was working! Valentino’s gonna have my head!”

Helping Angel to his feet, Charlie helped him straighten his tie. “No need to worry about that anymore, Angel! I’m setting you up with a new job here at the Halfway Hotel – you’ll be the new receptionist!”

Angel was slightly taller than the princess, and he looked down at her in confusion. “The new WHAT?? Charlie, I’m not some little office bunny! In case you forgot, I suck dick for a living!”

Niffty’s eye went wide. “Wait, are you Angel Dust? I hear Husk talk about you all the time!” She pointed to the cat demon who looked very much like he wanted to disappear.

Angel smiled a toothy grin. “That’s me, short one! Angel Dust, the best piece of tail in the business! So why in hell I’m being asked to work here, I have no damn clue.”

Vaggie rolled her eyes at the mouthy actor and pushed a cookie plate into his hands. “Are you dense? You saw the Halfway Hotel interview, right? They need promotion! Your name means a lot around here, and you know how to talk to people.”

“Yeah, to make them sleep with me!” He turned back to Charlie. “C’mon, Char, this is gonna destroy my reputation!”

“Or it could make it!” Charlie was practically bouncing, and Alastor could tell she thought she was being clever. “You know how this place rehabilitates souls? What if the very first soul to make it to Purgatory, or even to Heaven, was none other than you? You’d be even more famous than you already are!”

Angel clearly hadn’t thought of it that way, and as he munched on a cookie, he wandered over to the front desk. “Famous, huh…yeah. Yeah, I can work with that!”

Husk waved to get Alastor’s attention. “Boss, is this the right way to do this? Fame ain’t exactly the most wholesome motivation.”

Pulling the cat over to the side so they could speak a bit more privately, Alastor said, “Wholesome or not, Charlie mentioned Heaven, yes? That’s miles beyond what we’d ever hoped for. If she can make that happen, we’ll be the biggest success that Hell has ever seen. Now-” He gave Husk a slight shove towards the front desk. “I think you owe your new coworker an apology.”

Husk grumbled, but he walked over anyway. “Hey Angel,” he said, “sorry for dropping ya like that. You can imagine how surprised I was to suddenly be carrying someone in my arms bridal style when I’ve only ever seen them on my computer.”

“Apology accepted, handsome – but it’ll be an even better apology if ya can find me some liquor.” Angel smiled again, and Husk felt his heart skip.

Alastor looked around. Vaggie and Niffty were going over a menu, and Husk was showing Angel the layout of the rooms. Charlie sidled up to the Radio Demon, making sure not to hover too close. “So, what do you think?”

“This is..” Alastor paused. How best to show his thanks without looking like a simpering fool? “This is much appreciated, Charlie. I won’t forget this.”

She smiled, but Alastor couldn’t help noticing she looked a bit sad. “I lost a dream once – especially because no one believed in it. I didn’t want the same thing to happen to you.”

Alastor turned to her and started to ask what she meant, but an explosion ripped through the windows, sending glass flying everywhere. Vaggie dove to the floor to cover Niffty, and Husk and Angel jumped behind the desk to get some cover. Alastor had his staff at the ready, and he was pleasantly surprised to find that Charlie had pulled out an impressive looking spear. When she saw his look, she shrugged. “It was a wedding gift from Vaggie.”

Several Bombettes poured through the opening in the wall, and Cherri Bomb stormed through in a fury, the mark on her cheek looking a little better, but not much. “All right, WHERE IS SHE?! Where’s that little bitch who messed up my face??”

At the sound of her voice, Angel popped his head up from behind the desk. “Cherri, is that you? What’re ya doin’ here? This is neutral territory!”

“Angel, I don’t know why you’re throwing in with these idiots but tell me where that whore Niffty is or I’ll smash the place to find her myself!”

Niffty started to get up, but Vaggie held her tight. In a whisper, she said, “We won’t let her get you, I promise, just stay quiet.”

Alastor walked forward with Charlie close behind him. Husk was now out from behind the desk, wings open in case he had to fight. With a polite tone, Alastor said, “Miss Cherri Bomb, this is my establishment, and I won’t allow you to harass my employees. You can leave willingly or by force. What will it be?”

Cherri let out a groan of annoyance. “Another one of you fossilized relics? I don’t have time for this!” She tried to push past him, but she found herself a millimeter away from the point of Charlie’s spear.

“Cherri, you’re a friend of Angel’s and I don’t want to have to hurt you in front of him. Niffty’s under royal protection now.” She pushed the spear even closer, and Cherri had the good sense to back up. “Please leave her alone.”

Cherri looked at the spear, and then at Charlie. “…you’re bluffing. Angel says you’re a cream puff!”

Charlie flipped the spear over and used the blunt end to club Cherri in the face. As the cyclops stumbled back, Charlie asked in a sugary sweet voice, “Did _that_ feel like a bluff, Cherri dear?”

Cherri growled, but she didn’t signal the Bombettes and she didn’t try to land a counterblow. “FINE,” she spat. “Keep that brat Niffty, see if I care! You’re all schmucks anyway; I’m out!” Adjusting a strap that had fallen off her shoulder, she stalked away, with the Bombettes following close at her heels.

Charlie let out a breath and lowered the spear. Niffty wriggled free from Vaggie’s arms and ran over to Charlie, hugging her leg fiercely. “That was amazing! Thank you for protecting me!”

“Of course!” Charlie said, patting Niffty’s hair. “I said I was doing this to protect the populace, and you are all my populace. I’m just glad Cherri backed down before I had to get _really_ rough.” Niffty was still clinging to Charlie’s leg, and Vaggie came over to lean on Charlie’s shoulder. Looking around, Charlie asked, “I don’t suppose anyone else is interested in a group hug?” Husk rolled his eyes, but Angel dragged him by the hand to the big embrace.

Alastor stood off to the side, pondering as he often did. Was this really going to work? Charlie was painfully sincere, but she had guts too. That was respectable in a partner – and dare he think it, a friend? He would have to consider that later, because now that same princess was looking over at him hopefully. He knew she wouldn’t pull him to the group if he didn’t want to be there, but she also seemed to enjoy his company. Deciding to compromise, Alastor walked over to the group and placed a warm hand on Charlie’s shoulder. This was going to be very interesting indeed…


End file.
